*whine* *sniff* *sob*

Well. Its officially over. All those months of nail-biting came to naught. I am so proud of this man. He has embodied the grace and wisdom and character of a civilized Chinese, and with enough talent and pluck, manage to become the first Asian filmmaker to win a major award (for Best Director). In fact, I'm not sure if he isn't the ONLY Chinese person to ever win an Oscar in the top categories (Best Foreign Film doesn't count in my book). I'm so proud of him I could burst. And to do it with the most well-deserved and touching film to grace the Hollywood screens in a long long loong time.

I have to be honest, I am devastated that Brokeback Mountain did not win Best Picture. I know its wrong to feel like this but it feels like a snub to the gay community almost. I know the GLAAD will most probably be up in arms riiiight about now, writing protest letters and picketing the streets. That I feel is unneccessary, because the damage has already been done, and only serves to make us look pathetic (har har lookkit dem whiney gheys!). The sad part is, although Crash was a good film (if a bit pedantic) it was NOWHERE near as good as Brokeback Mountain. The news said that Brokeback lost only by a fraction. That offers a little comfort (but only a little).

One good thing came from watching the Oscars though (and Jon Stewart WAS funny, screw you critics), I had never heard Dolly Parton's song Travellin' Thru (an original song nominated for Best Song from Transmerica) until she got onstage and performed it, and got the ENTIRE attending audience (even Jack Nicholson) to clap along with smiles on their faces. I, however, was sobbing almost uncontrollaby. Having watched the film I understood what she was singing about, but she might as well be singing it to me/us.


Travellin' Thru - Dolly Parton (from the soundtrack to Transamerica)

Well I can't tell you where I'm going, I'm not sure of where I've been
But I know I must keep travelin' till my road comes to an end
I'm out here on my journey, trying to make the most of it
I'm a puzzle, I must figure out where all my pieces fit
Like a poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home
Where that is no one can tell me, am I doomed to ever roam
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' on

Questions I have many, answers but a few
But we're here to learn, the spirit burns, to know the greater truth
We've all been crucified and they nailed Jesus to the tree
And when I'm born again, you're gonna see a change in me

God made me for a reason and nothing is in vain
Redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain
Oh sweet Jesus if you're listening, keep me ever close to you
As I'm stumblin', tumblin', wonderin', as I'm travelin' thru

I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru

Oh sometimes the road is rugged, and it's hard to travel on
But holdin' to each other, we don't have to walk alone
When everything is broken, we can mend it if we try
We can make a world of difference, if we want to we can fly

Goodbye little children, goodnight you handsome men
Farewell to all you ladies and to all who knew me when
And I hope I'll see you down the road, you meant more than I knew
As I was travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin' thru

I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin'
Drifting like a floating boat and roaming like the wind
Oh give me some direction lord, let me lean on you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', thru

I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin' thru

Like the poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find my own way home
Oh sweet Jesus if you're out there, keep me ever close to you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', as I'm travelin' thru


This song hit me almost as hard as the other 'gay' song from the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack:-

The Maker Makes - Rufus Wainwright (from the original soundtrack to Brokeback Mountain)

One more chain I break
To get me closer to you
One more chain does the maker make
To keep me from bustin' through

One more notch I scratch
To keep me thinkin' of you
One more notch does the maker make
Upon my face so blue

Get along, little doggies
Get along, little doggies

One more smile I fake
And try my best to be glad
One more smile does the maker make
Because he knows I'm sad

Oh Lord, how I know
Oh Lord, how I see
That only can the maker make
A happy man of me

Get along little doggies
Get along little doggies
Get along

Both songs just hit me at a deep gut level and I swear I haven't cried to a song in a long long long time. Suddenly there are two. Bless. If you haven't heard both these songs I sincerely urge you to do so. If only for a brief moment to witness something made with heartfelt genuine sincerity, with earnest and simple but brilliant clarity, that speaks directly to the heart.

Much like Brokeback Mountain.

God I hate the OScars

*sniff